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Healing the Invisible Wounds

⚠️ Warning: Vulnerable Post Ahead

Lately, I’ve realized just how much my first marriage still affects the way I show up—especially as a mother. I work hard every day to be better, but I’m still undoing the damage from years of being told I was “too much,” “too sensitive,” or “making things up.”

Those lies left a residue. And that residue shows up in my parenting.

When you’ve been gaslit long enough, you stop trusting yourself. Even now—years later, stronger and wiser—the voice still creeps in:

  • “Are you overreacting?”

  • “Did you just hurt their feelings?”

  • “Maybe you’re remembering this wrong.”

So when I see confusion or hurt in my children’s eyes, I panic. I try to fix it all instantly. I overcompensate—saying yes when I should say no, softening when I need boundaries. Not because I don’t love them—but because I’m still learning to trust myself again.

Gaslighting made me hyperaware of how people see me. Instead of responding to the moment, I respond to old wounds. That’s not fair to them—or me. But it’s the reality I’m healing from.

I parent with deep guilt.

  • Guilt for what they saw.

  • Guilt for what I couldn’t protect them from.

  • Guilt for the years I spent just trying to survive.

Sometimes I wonder if, in trying not to fail myself, I ended up failing them.

That guilt makes me believe I owe them perfection. But what they truly need is my presence—an honest, imperfect, healing version of me. Showing up. Saying sorry. Setting boundaries. Choosing them, again and again, even when I fear I might get it wrong.

The hardest part? Forgiving myself while my children are still healing too.

Some days, the weight of guilt feels heavy. But I remind myself—they don’t need my shame. They need my growth. They need to see me healing, so they know they can heal too.

To the parents who understand this:

You’re not alone.

Gaslighting may have stolen your confidence, but not your ability to grow. You’re breaking cycles. Even if it’s messy. Even if it’s slow.

This isn’t about blame—it’s about truth.

It’s okay to grieve the version of you that was just trying to survive.

You’re here now. You’re healing. You’re growing. And that matters more than any misstep in the past.

If you’re fortunate enough to be on this journey with someone who loves you through the unlearning, hold on tight. Let their steady love become part of your healing—not your hiding.

Because even now, after eight years in a healthy, loving relationship built on trust and safety, the struggle continues every day. Healing isn’t instant just because circumstances have changed—it’s a slow, ongoing process.

I’m deeply grateful for my husband. His patience, unwavering love, and his ability to hold space for my healing—without rushing or trying to fix me—means everything. He reminds me that I’m not broken, not alone, and that I’m loved exactly as I am.

And if you ever need someone to talk to, please don’t hesitate to reach out.

I may not have all the answers—but I’m here. I see you. 💛

Keep fighting forward!

Love,
Nicolle

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